Written by Hannah Desta
A statement I’ve probably heard about a million times throughout my life. And to that I have learned, it is a lie. You see, through society and media we have been taught to believe that love should hurt, that it should be a struggle and hardship. That a man/woman should put you through some things in order for you to know that what you have is real. And that could not be further from the truth.
I’ve learned that love is not about the standards and expectations that we have been taught through society and these “romantic” movies to place on one another. Love is much deeper than that. But in order for us to understand that, we have to look at what the foundation of what love is. For me this has become my lifeline. It has changed the way I have seen relationships, whether that being friendships or intimate relationships. And that is…
“Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy. it does not boast. it is not proud. it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking. it is not easily angered. it keeps no record of wrong. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
With all honesty, this was not what I always based my standards on. I had gone through a long season of insecurities of myself and of what my worth was. I found it hard to understand that love shouldn’t be difficult, it shouldn’t be confusing and it definitely should not cause pain in my heart. I would tell myself that I am just “sacrificing”. Isn’t that what we are told? Except that type of sacrifice is not giving in to this fake type of humility but choosing to think less of yourself in circumstances. So, I would find myself going through different types of heartaches and pain thinking that I was lowering myself for the better of the other person. But at the same time, I was digging myself deeper in to this hole of hatred, depression and bitterness. It was so bad that I didn’t believe in love. I didn’t believe in a man after God’s heart. I didn’t believe that God would have someone who He had prepared for me.
And let me tell you something…not believing in love is taking away your hope in all things good.
So, when I thought that all my hope was coming to an end, the Lord really restored my heart. My cry out to Him was to fully surrender all that I was and all that I run after. To give Him what I thought was very important and even the less important things. Taking time to grow and really root my identity in Him changed my standards to His standards. It gave me boldness that I never really had in myself. I began spending more time investing in myself, in the things I liked to do and discovering things I never knew I liked. My objective in life became about being victorious and a overcomer. I began to notice that the way I started viewing myself changed the way others viewed me. And slowly the Lord healed my heart of all things that were rooted deep in darkness.
And that led to me meeting my now fiancé, Samuel.
It’s crazy because I joke with him on how Hannah in the Bible prayed for her blessing and the Lord gave her Samuel, and for me he is the blessing I’ve prayed for. I never met a man so kind, so loving, and so sensitive to the voice of God. He didn’t come with confusion or in a mindset of wanting me to give and put in more than he was willing. Instead he prayed with me, he made sure that my number one focus was the Lord and to better myself. His joy wasn’t seeing me run after him but after my dreams and what I was destined for. I knew that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He brought such peace into my life. And one day it dawned on me that I could have missed out on what God had for me because I was caught up on what I thought was real love.
So, beloveds, all this to say be true to yourself and your worth. No one is worth you dumbing down who you are for something momentary.
Above all, love who God created you to be.
It’s in that freedom that you will live to your full potential and discover all that God has in store for you.